Ask a Planner: What is an intimate wedding and is it right for me?
Photo by Brklyn View Photography
We just finished a zoom meeting with clients who were supposed to have their wedding this summer. They’re disappointed, sad, and just want to get married. They don’t know if they can wait a full year, so we suggested the idea of an intimate wedding, to which they replied, “You mean, an elopement?”. Our answer was “not necessarily.”
If you’re struggling to figure out how the heck you’re going to make it until next year to say “I do”, then an intimate wedding might be a good option for you. This doesn’t have to mean and elopement without a celebration. There are three types of intimate weddings:
#1 Elopements
When you hear the word “elopement”, most people picture the couple running off and getting married in secret. This is only part right. It would be just the two of you and your officiant…and maybe a photographer/witness depending on where you’re getting married. These days, you could even do this over Zoom. You could keep it a secret and then have your wedding next year, as planned. No one would need to know that you’re already married. In fact, a lot of our couples who have destination weddings get legally married beforehand without telling their guests, so it doesn’t take away from the wedding day. However, you could also tell people. You could sent a marriage announcement to your guests, along with an invitation for a big party next year.
#2 Micro Weddings
Micro weddings are like elopements, but you do have a couple of guests. Usually, there are less than 30 or so people in attendance. As you would expect, whenever there are guests, you have to feed them! However, a micro wedding is different from a traditional wedding in that you don’t have a full reception. Usually, there would be a toast and some light bites. At the time we’re writing this, it’s looking like groups of this size will likely be able to gather by mid-late summer in New England. Of course, this depends on where you live and you should confirm with your state’s reopening plan before you begin planning your micro wedding. If gathering in-person isn’t possible for whatever reason, this option could also be done over Zoom with everyone toasting from afar! Then, next year, you could continue with your wedding or reception as planned.
#3 Mini Weddings
This type of wedding is a small scale version of a traditional wedding. Typically, you would have 50 guests or so and the timeline for the day would include a ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception. This would be difficult to do virtually (not impossible, but 50 people gets to be a bit much on zoom!), but could be done this year as soon as restrictions are lifted. Since this is a small wedding, it wouldn’t typically be followed up with a second reception when larger weddings are permitted.
The appeal of a small wedding, aside from being able to get married right away, is that with less guests, you can be more indulgent and really treat your guests to an experience without feeling guilty about not inviting certain people (blame covid-19!). But, an intimate wedding isn’t for everyone. Ask yourself the following questions before you plan your intimate wedding:
If you were already planning a traditional wedding, you have likely signed several contracts with your vendors. Check the act of God/force majeure clauses (or your wedding planner can have a look at them for you). Is there a fee if you cancel? Would it make more sense to just postpone? Is there a fee or timeframe restriction to do so? If you already have the majority of your vendors booked, it might make more financial sense to continue with your original wedding plans. You can still supplement this with an intimate wedding, but you might not want to completely replace the original wedding you had planned.
Do you have a large family or a big friend group? It might be hard for you to whittle your list down to just 30-50 guests. If not having everyone there will but a damper on your celebrations, then you might want to stick with your traditional wedding plans.
If your wedding is postponed, you now have an extra year to plan your wedding. Which means, another year of saving. Is there anything you could add to your traditional wedding that you planned to make it extra special (and worth the wait!) now that there might be a little bit more wiggle room in the budget?
Whatever you choose, you’re still marrying your best friend. Your wedding day is a start to a lifetime of marriage and should be celebrated, but when you celebrate it isn’t as important as the fact that you’ve found each other. We know this pandemic is incredibly hard and we’re sure you’re riding a rollercoaster of emotions. If you don’t have a wedding planner and need help managing everything, reach out for your complimentary consultation to see how we can help.